ctrl is for the soul

Written By Charlotte Holder

As we kick off a new year, I find myself and those around me falling into new found hobbies, habits and essentially rebranding themselves. The beginning of a new year is like the calendar mark of change and turbulence and generally trying to find comfort again. Something I find I always come back to in times of change when I really need that feeling of comfort is music, more specifically ctrl by SZA. 

This album has helped me to get through all of life’s seemingly most turbulent times. I have always been able to fall into the comfort of sza’s unconventional yet very real lyrics. As I continue to grow ctrl has been an album I’ve been able to keep with me in my back pocket, almost in the way children drag their stuffed animals that have seen better days alongside them. Ctrl resonates with me especially at the start of a new year because I find myself being able to connect with SZA’s self reflexivity on this album. SZA has always been an artist I was able to see myself in (yes even when she lies for fun). No matter how embarassing her actions may seem on each track, the way she is able to even acknowledge that these actions embarrass her is what makes this album so relatable.

When I initially discovered ctrl I was in middle school and I was infatuated with the song “Love Galore” with Travis Scott, the bulk of my taste unfortunately revolved around aesthetics at the time. As I made the transition to highschool I started to develop an appreciation for the album I simply didn’t have before. When I really listened to the words beyond instrumentals or vibes I began to see myself more and more within her artistry. I felt very seen by her specifically on this album because I felt it spoke to my experience developing socially as a black girl in predominantly white spaces.  

Throughout high school songs like Garden (Say It Like That), Drew Barrymore and Normal Girl provided me with the loving embrace of a community I didn’t always feel I perfectly fit into or really fit into at all. Expressing femininity and the vulnerability of those traita while I was in highschool was incredibly complicated for me because I looked and felt nothing like the seemingly normal girls around me. I was not experiencing the same world as a lot of girls around me and it made me feel as though my blackness made me less of a girl. As I grew up I battled a lot with femininity because my experiences felt so alien to that of my peers. I often felt I couldn’t display “gentle” traits typically associated with femininity because I almost always needed to defend or protect myself. Through the album ctrl I found SZA was able to display the beauty in my more combative traits, showing me how they merge with gentleness and ultimately that femininity didn’t have a set way to be displayed.

 The overarching theme of ctrl is well namesake taking control of one’s own narrative or generally their life. Much like the song “girl so confusing” by Charli XCX and Lorde, I feel like this theme encapsulates girlhood at this age, it makes absolutely no sense but the trials and tribulations are somewhat universal. On both “Drew Barrymore” and “Normal Girl” SZA speaks of almost an internal battle for taking control of your life and desperately wanting to alter others perception of yourself to fit the societal expectations of “normal” girlhood. On both songs SZA contrasts between reaffirming herself through lines like “Before that you figured out that I was just a normal girl” and making statements like “I’m sorry I’m not more attractive,I’m sorry I’m not more ladylike, I’m sorry I don’t shave my legs at night”, highlighting the pushing and pulling nature of self reflection. This provided listeners with hints at the struggle of regaining control and being the “unconventional” girl.

I think the reason I find I constantly come back to this album as opposed to other SZA albums is because I find it to be so much more a story of growth as opposed to the album SOS. I mean comparatively SOS is almost an album of regression and loss. ctrl highlights the nonlinear nature of growth but ultimately allows the listener to take comfort in shared experiences both good and bad. It almost gives the listener a hug as they experience their own difficulties in starting fresh, which is why I feel compelled to start my year with ctrl.

While SZA touches on difficult subject matter on this album, I actually find it to be almost a positive precursor for a new year because it captures the complexities of young adulthood and serves as a reminder that growth and development is absolutely not linear. While touching on these incredibly personal topics, I take note of the album’s interludes and spoken word elements (such as those by SZA’s mother and grandmother), I think these elements add further depth to the project and the statements made by her family members emphasizes themes of Self Awareness and Independence, both essential pieces in a rebrand or really a fresh start. 

As the new year begins, Ctrl by SZA feels like the perfect soundtrack for navigating the inevitable growth, and redefinition that come with it. The way Sza expresses vulnerability and femininity reminds us that it’s okay to feel lost or uncertain as we enter a new chapter. The album offers me comfort  in its relatability and the reminder that we are not alone in our struggles. Whether it’s through her candid exploration of femininity, her reflections on identity, or the nonlinear journey of personal growth,  ctrl captures the chaos and beauty of young adulthood in a way that feels both universal and deeply personal. Starting the year with this album feels like wrapping yourself in a warm blanket of understanding—an embrace that reassures you that there is power in taking control.